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I don't think that the caution you feel is a problem at all. What I am concerned about is that there is obviously something that you have observed about this person that has given you cause to worry about their intentions. You are figuring out that there is a whole lot more to staying abstinent than just saying, "I don't want to have sex". One of the things that go along with that decision is making it VERY CLEAR from the beginning that sex will not be a part of the relationship. That means that you don't ask them if they are going to ask you to have sex, but you make the firm statement that sex will definitely not be part of tonight's program or any other night for that matter, until your marriage night! You also have to set VERY CLEAR boundaries in your relationship. Such boundaries include:
- No hanging out alone
- Only going out on group dates
- No hanging out with people who are negative influences
- No drugs or alcohol
- No touching in areas that are covered by underwear (need I be more specific???)
- Avoid long-passionate kissing (This is where the body usually starts to prepare for sex)
Boundries like these help ensure that you don't get yourself into situations that could easily get out of control. Saying that you want to be abstinent, but failing to set clear boundaries and stick to them, is often the cause of people getting caught-up in the moment with the excuse of, "It just happened".
I don't know whether or not you have been through all of this with this person or how far into sexual activity the two of you might have gone in the past, but the bottom line here isÂ…if you are afraid of going to the dance with him- Don't. If you're just concerned about being pressured about sex, then find a ride home immediately after the dance and consider if a person who doesn't respect you're choice to be abstinent is really worth your time.
I know you'll do the right thing. You seem to have a good head on your shoulders! |
